I've only got a couple of days left before I withdraw to Amman, I'll be heading to BIAP soon on the Rhino Convoy (more in another post, I'm now convinced that it's safer than by helicopter).
Currently the most dangerous part of my day is meeting a local I recently hired at one of the checkpoints. This involves me having to go most of the way through the checkpoint and escorting him back in. In theory, if a bomber hits while I was out there, and checkpoints are favorite targets, I could get hit. On the flip side, there are plenty of military guys out there too, who spend whole shifts out there every day for an entire tour of duty --- so I still have it cush in comparison.
Walking back to my car, knowing I'm on a plane soon, and doing the routine check for bombs before I get in it, or touch it, it suddenly hit me how strange it would be to check my car like this at home -- but, it's such a habit now, that I can't imagine *not* doing it.
That's when it hits you: This place is nuts. And it makes *you* nuts.
I'm way more "agro" than when I left, I can feel it in my IM/e-mail or phone calls with friends and family back home. A psychologist who teaches the 1 week anti-terrorism training course, which many of the people here attended (but not me), said that this place really does make you nuts. Then he gave a great personal example: he got in a fender-bender shortly after getting back from Iraq. The other driver said "hey, we gotta exchange info" and the psychologist said "the fu** we do!" and drove off. The police picked him up later on hit and run charges. Now, this is a professional with a PhD, has a steady job, pays his taxes, etc. and is a professionl shrink and he was nuts when he got back and didn't even know it.
Anyway, if you see me spend a couple of minutes looking around/under my car before I get in it, just kick me in the head or something.